“…the kind that will turn into marriage. I seem to draw men that aren’t available emotionally to commit to that kind of relationship. How do I stop drawing them?”-P.M.P.
“It sounds like you are meeting men in venues where they get to see your pretty face, but not much else. If you want to meet a man who cares about your heart, then you need to be in an environment where you will meet those kind of men. I’m talking about daily life: neighborhoods, communities, churches, workplaces. When they see you interacting with your children they will be able to observe your sweetness, your skills, and all your beautiful qualities. Then they will be attracted to you beyond the surface beauty you obviously have. Be friendly, neighborly, come out of your shell. Smile, make eye contact. Talk. If they are still drawn to you after doing daily life with you, then you know they are ready.” -Lara B.
“I am tired of being the person it takes for them to realize they aren’t available. (I call them stepping stones.) How do I recognize that ahead of time so I can avoid it?”
“You want to look for signs of a “ready guy”. The ones you’re describing seem to want the companionship of a relationship without doing any of the work that a relationship requires. This is immature. A mature man will show signs of respect towards women.
For instance, when you are chatting/talking to him late at night and say that you need to get some sleep, does he bid you farewell right away or does he try to keep the conversation going? Does he respect your choices and decisions, or does he seem to always try to convince you to choose/do something he wants? When you set a boundary, does he keep it or does he try to push it?
Find a man who respects you, and chances are, you will find a man who is ready for a relationship.” -Rene A.
When I started dating again after my ex left, I noticed a strange, unwelcome pattern in my relationships. After a guy and I would break up, he would find “his one”. Talk about feeling like the wrong kind of good-luck charm! I eventually gave up on relationships altogether thinking I was just meant to stay single.Single-hood lasted for about a year, and I was finally able to heal emotionally from my divorce.
Entering into a new relationship as a whole person is an entirely different ballgame. I respected myself more and was able to create and enforce vital boundaries. Now, while I still don’t want to get married ever again, I have been in a healthy relationship for over a year now. That may not sound like a big deal to most, but for me, as I look back on how things used to be? It’s amazing progress.