“Your husband has been inappropriately texting other women. You call him out on it. You separate and encourage him to go to counseling. Well he goes and you attend a few times as well. However, he shows no emotion toward you whatsoever. You talk about filing divorce but he doesn’t know what he wants. Do you give it time or file in order maybe to shake him up? Do you think it’s maybe just depression or something deeper? My sis is in a predicament and just has no clue what to do.” -M.P. from Louisiana
“I would definitely advise against filing for divorce for the purpose of a wake-up call, unless she is willing to face the scenario that he probably will not wake up. If she wants to try to connect with his heart because she loves him, then I have a good book for her to read. If she is afraid of loss, like everything you had to go through, then she needs to face that fear straight on. Because fear of loss makes people choke what’s left of any life.” -Lara B.
“My sis wants it to work. She’s trying but the counselor has given him things to do like take her on dates and it’s just miserable for her. He shows no interest and when he’s with her he’s just blah. My sis is a strong personality and he’s not strong enough to stand up to her. It’s like he does whatever she wants and is now miserable. Idk..hard to give advice cause after what I’ve been thru the writing is in the wall to me. They actually had a good date today. Idk…he’s so up and down. It’s hard to know what to do.”
“He’s waiting until he knows for sure whether or not this other girl will take him in if he leaves his wife. I’m guessing she gave him the cold shoulder recently so that’s why he’s seemed to warm up to the wifey. It would be a terrible thing to be rejected by two women and end up out in the cold (sarcasm), and if he’s a beta, that’s exactly what’s going on. An alpha would’ve already left her, OR would’ve been smarter in covering up his tracks/being fake-sweet to the wife and all.” -Rene A.
“Just remembering my journey to “letting go.” I believe that all the discoveries (even the inevitable physical affair that I believe will be uncovered) happen in just the right timing for HER heart. Remember how tough this is. Give her grace. She has lots of time to come to all the same conclusions that we have. I’m glad she has you, an experienced person who survived beautifully, to be her companion in this. I’m interested in your heart too, M.P., the desire to protect her from hurt…how frustrating it is that you can’t…. so many paths in this process. But they all have to be walked through. Praying for her. I also believe that God will do huge beautiful things in her, just like he did in you through this journey. Watch for those. <3″ -Lara B.
I remember reeling the first time I discovered texts on my ex’s phone to another woman. I stormed out of the apartment in anger and drove to the library where I spent several hours calming down, reading about Greek Mythology in various encyclopedias.
Eventually, my ex asked me to meet him at a fast-food restaurant so we could “talk it out”. He apologized to me profusely and excused his behavior as “that’s just how people at my work talk to each other.” I forgave him, because what else was I supposed to do? Our daughter was barely one year old, and I was a stay-at-home mom.
Long story short: A few months later, he ended up leaving me for that woman he was initially texting.
I don’t have the ability to “believe that people can change” anymore. We are who we are. Any real change that happens in a person does so through a long, tedious process, and it has to be at the will of that person. They have to want to change so badly that they will take it upon themselves to see that they do. In my opinion, this rarely happens. Rarely does an individual who was so self-absorbed become so self-aware that they see themselves for who they are and seek change.
I would say, “Oh, to live in a perfect world,” but that would just be boring. 😉