Tag Archives: communication

My ex moved without telling me…

“…and he won’t tell me his new address. He said, “you have my number.” Um, yes I do but I still need to know where I can get child support. I’m pretty sure he is still in town. Ugh!” -P.M.P.

“Isn’t that against the law? Check your state’s Parenting-Time Guidelines. In my state, you have to notify the other parent AND the court three months in advance of the move, even if it’s across the street.” -Rene A.

“I wouldn’t chase down the child support. That is not a role I want. Instead, I would use an advocate. If the child support is court ordered then the law will track him down.

The most important thing is peace in your own heart. Policing him, forcing him to pay, does not coincide with a peaceful heart or home.

Use the court system so there is a buffer between you. Or let it go. Many single moms have chosen peace over child support and I think that is sometimes very wise.” -Lara B.

Commentary:

One of the things that is just awful about divorce when there are children involved is that there is no closure. Your life with this person is over, but unlike widow-hood, you can’t just bury them in the ground, remembering them fondly for the rest of your life. No, you have to see them on a regular basis as you share parenting time with your kids. And you don’t remember them fondly. Any fond memories that you do have are pushed away by all the ones that led up to the divorce.

It’s doubly difficult when the ex doesn’t think they need to play by the rules. Add to that the incapability to hire a lawyer because of the lack of financial resources, and you have a whole huge stressful mess on your hands!

What you can do: Check your  state’s .gov webpage to see if they have downloadable court documents that you can fill out yourself and file. (for things like custody and child support) For the issue mentioned above, if he refuses to give you his address, contact the court directly. Let them know that your ex moved without disclosing his new address to you, and then follow the advice they give you.

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A personal note from Lara B.

I had been really praying that I would be able to find out what was happening in Jarod’s heart. I know he’s been struggling, and when he does, he tends to withdraw. No amount of coercing from me helps. But I really wanna know what’s happening in that heart of his! So, I’m thanking the Lord because HE did it. Jarod was so intent on facetiming with me that he switched coffee shops to get better wifi. Then he talked and talked and talked. There’s only one subject he wouldn’t let me touch on so I’m still praying that he’ll open up to me or someone about it. Suicide. He’s struggled with it in the past, had the Jonathan Hamilton thing this week, and even shared his struggle in an open mic testimony this week. But when I asked him to tell me his thoughts he said, “I try not to think about it.”

Ugh. Anyway, that’s painful, but I’d rather know what’s happening in his heart, no matter if its painful or not. I totally encourage you to make a connection with your kids’ hearts, even the littlest ones, and if you don’t know how, ask the Lord to intervene. It works.  🙂

Here is a great article on how to connect with your children.

If you or someone you know is in danger of hurting themselves or others, please call a suicide hotline. Your safety is important; YOU are important!