No, I don’t need you.

[Hello, this is Rene A. I had started this blog a while back (as you can tell from the date of this post) but have recently decided to re-purpose it as an advice blog with my friend Lara B. I deleted most of the former posts, but I wanted to keep some of the ones I felt were still relevant.]

I don’t get the stereotypes for single moms. It’s as if we are so weak and so unable to care for ourselves that we need to get married so someone can take care of us. That may be the case for some women, (and I say some women because it’s not just single moms who can act like this) but it definitely can’t describe all of us.

I am a young-looking single mom. I look more like a teenager than an adult, so when people find out I’m a single mom their first thought is, “Oh, I bet she got knocked up at 16.”

I actually happen to be one of those rare individuals who waited until her wedding day to have sex. Not that I’m a complete nun now, far from it, but my daughter was the product of a loving relationship.

However, I still get the looks, the murmurs, the “so, when are you going to get married?”

Never.

Honestly, the only thing I miss about being married is the companionship. Someone to come home to.

I have everything I need, but I won’t lie; this life gets lonely.

As a strong, independent woman who rejects the stereotype of single mothers, I say, “No, I don’t need you. If I ever pay attention to you, It’s because I think you might be a cool person to be around.”

/steps down from my soapbox ’till another day.

Just let me be me…please?

[Hello, this is Rene A. I had started this blog a while back (as you can tell from the date of this post) but have recently decided to re-purpose it as an advice blog with my friend Lara B. I deleted most of the former posts, but I wanted to keep some of the ones I felt were still relevant.]

Why is it that in this country, everyone is “free to be themselves” except our own children? From the moment of birth or conception, we create futures for them; what is and what is not acceptable for them to do with their lives. We take away their God-given free will before they can even talk. We impose restrictions on our “unconditional love and acceptance”. So long as they “fit” into our preconceived notions of what we think they should do and who they should be, all is good; however, the slightest deviation results in rejection and bullying.

It’s not fair.

A few months ago, I decided to go a different path than what I was taught was acceptable. Am I doing anything against the law? No. Am I being an irresponsible parent? No. Does my work suffer in any way? No. So, what was so bad that I decided to do that would cause my parents to think I’ve become a “less than good” person? I decided their religion wasn’t right for me. A religion who’s focus isn’t on inner spirituality but outer righteousness. If you don’t look/act a certain way, you are ungodly.

Yesterday, I went to my parents house and showed them the very subtle dark purple streaks in my black hair. I was ignored by my mom, and all my dad said was, “Why??”

That hurt. It did. I was excited about my hair, but in less than 30 seconds, I was reduced to feeling like a chastened 14 year old.

I’m a responsible 27 year old mom of one. I know how to make good decisions for myself and by myself. So when, Mom and Dad, are you going to start treating me like an adult?

What do I want my daughter to be when she grows up? It’s not up to me. It’s up to her. All I can do is love and support her.

/steps down from my soapbox ’till another day.