How do I get over being a bad guy picker?

“I seem to pick guys that I wouldn’t have a long term relationship with. The reasoning is they can’t reject me if I would never have a long term relationship with them in the first place. Help.” -Samantha Stone from Newton Falls

“Even though your question is, “How do I get over being a bad guy picker?” I think you addressed the problem already by realizing you have a fear of rejection, yes? So that question seems answered: you choose guys that you can reject, in case they reject you.

“Seems, then, that looking at that fear of rejection would be a good step in the direction of choosing a man who is worthy of you.

“So, face the fear. Face the possibility of being rejected. Let yourself feel that pain. Decide if it’s something you can walk through again.
Begin to live in the truth that you may very well be rejected again, and accept that reality. Will it be as devastating as it was in the past? Will you survive it?

“When your heart is ready for this, it is ready to love again. Because love is always a risk. But, living without love….that’s not much of a choice.” -Lara B.

“When I was a teen, I used to practice flirting on less-than-attractive guys. Shallow, I know. But my reasoning behind it was that if they rejected the flirtation, then it wouldn’t matter so much to me because I wasn’t attracted to them anyways.

“I think when there’s the fear of being left again looming over you, it can make you do things that don’t seem to make sense. You have already completed one of the most important steps in moving forward: you know what your problem is, and you know why you have it. Now, you just need to know how to get out of that bad-relationship cycle.

“Find yourself first! Know what makes you tick, what personalities mesh well with yours, then look for a guy who has what you need. Ask yourself “why?” a lot. Why do you react a certain way to certain stimuli? Why does this or that make you happy or sad? As you figure out the answers to these questions, you will start to know yourself better than you thought possible. What happens if you find things out about yourself that you don’t really like? Realize you are human and give yourself time to improve if that is what you wish to do.

“Most importantly, never factor the future into it; just live one day at a time. I don’t mean that you shouldn’t prepare for your future well-being, but that you should prepare for it as if you remain single for the rest of your life. Even if you find another Mr. Wonderful, there’s no guarantee that he’s going to be in your life forever. There’s a whole host of things that separates couples aside from divorce, but I really don’t want to get too much into “morbid” territory” right now. -Rene A.

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