Monthly Archives: December 2011

Don’t Ask; Don’t Tell

[Hello, this is Rene A. I had started this blog a while back (as you can tell from the date of this post) but have recently decided to re-purpose it as an advice blog with my friend Lara B. I deleted most of the former posts, but I wanted to keep some of the ones I felt were still relevant.]

[This post isn’t very relevant, but I decided to keep it because of the good family memories. ]

Today was the annual C-mas party at the armory. I usually don’t go to it, but since it was my dad’s last year in the military, I decided to make a couple memories.

I think the best one of all was what my dad said about a “potentially gay” member of the company. He was telling me that a few of the other guys were asking him what he was going to do about having a gay male amongst all the other “clearly hetero” men. I loved his response. He said that the young man was here to serve his country and that as long as he does his job, he has no problem with him.

I asked if he could point the guy out to me, but as he looked around the gymnasium, he didn’t see him. Well, I have pretty good gaydar and as I was walking to the ladies room, I saw him. He looked at me kind of sheepishly and I smiled back. I can’t imagine all the shit he’s had to go through in his life, and anyone who joins the military is brave in my opinion. He didn’t know it, but he was my hero today.

I should have made sure he knew it though.

I should have walked right up to him, gave him a hug, and thanked him for serving our country.

If I ever have another chance to do something like this again, I hope I have the presence of mind and the social awareness to think of it and the compassion to do it.

/steps down from my soap box ’till another day.

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Divorce…blah.

[Hello, this is Rene A. I had started this blog a while back (as you can tell from the date of this post) but have recently decided to re-purpose it as an advice blog with my friend Lara B. I deleted most of the former posts, but I wanted to keep some of the ones I felt were still relevant.]

Today I found out the reason behind the separation between a friend of my family’s and his wife. They were missionaries to Mexico, and while they were serving at a church, his wife cheated on him with a Mexican man, got knocked up, and left him. She wants to divorce him, but she wants him to initiate the proceedings so he will have to pay for it.

It’s been a year since they’ve separated, and he’d still rather try to get her back than divorce her. I feel really bad for him because she has no remorse over what she did, and she could do it again to him just as easily.

I hope I can convince him to try Divorce Care. This support group for separated/divorced people helped me tremendously when I was going through my unexpected divorce.

I remember how it all began. My husband had come home from work in a mood and didn’t want to talk about it. I pressed him because I didn’t like seeing him in emotional distress. For the next twenty minutes, I got to listen to him tell me everything he didn’t like about me followed by, “I’m not in love with you anymore.”

And you know what? That’s bull. True love is accepting a person for who they are, warts and all.

I’m at the point where I don’t think true love even exists except for maybe a few lucky people. I definitely don’t believe I am one of those lucky people.

I said yesterday that my answer to the “When are you getting married” question is, “Never”, and I think the reason why is mainly because I don’t think I could go through listening to someone tell me everything they don’t like about me again.

The Christmas song “Last Christmas” by Wham says, “Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, but the very next day, you gave it away.” “Gave” denotes that the person handed it to another person when in reality, they threw it away.

Divorce feels a lot like being thrown away, and you’re not even good enough to be put into the recycling bin.

/steps down from my soapbox ’till another day.